I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
