I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
