He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
