I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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