Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
