can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
