omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
