what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
