There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
