I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
