Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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