I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
