Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
