dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
