i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
