I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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