so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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