When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
