Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
