If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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