Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
