All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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