Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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