That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
