Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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