If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
