he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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