I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
did i walk over a car last night?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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