Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
