i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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