i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
