I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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