i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
