i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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