No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
