I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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