I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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