I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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