there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
