these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
