So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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