Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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