1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
