you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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