It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
God, I missed his penis.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
