There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
