he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
