my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
