You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
