Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
