he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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